It’s been a few days, but more proeminently in today, thus surge of sadness which one cannot explain. There’s nothing particularly wrong, but there’s also nothing particularly right, it just comes and goes for not particular reason at all. What happened today, I finally got in my mail a handheld I had been cherising for months, and after a while I got my bucks to buy it.
And paradoxically, something that I cherished so much, did not fulfill me in the least, and partly, maybe I guess that’s why it’s making me sad. Replaying old games that I enjoyed during my childhood, just does not feel the same anymore. Most probably because I too am not the same anymore, but how could something that used to give me joy now give me dread?
An urge to cry that I cannot fathom where must come from, and cannot pinpoint to, and considering, according to my creeds, how many times before must have I felt like this? In how many lifetimes previously?
How much and how long more must such continue on going? Today’s been an okay day I might say. I went to the supermarket, had enough money to buy groceries, even though it is raining I have a good place to be, an apartment to live, bills that I can pay, nothing out of place or out of the ordinary, and still… Something feels off.
There’s this lingering sensation of dread and wrongfulness that just has delved unto, plunged into myself, as waves, coming and going, and honestly making me confused.
I just wanted to get my shit done, to finish my projects, to just go on with life, but now this has popped up… I wonder though if the next few days will fill any better yet.
Let’s just hope so…
And worries in the back of my mind, I hope that they do not materialize, and yet, we blurry our thoughts with misconceived apprehensions and exhasperations of probably bad news….
If we think about it…. Everyday, somewhere in time in this earth, in some place, there’s bad news. One wouldn’t win the lottery if it happened to oneself, but so… even with some bad news, there’s other people striving to make something good out of it all. Trouble is, it guess, it just does not get enough media attention for us to just even know about it.
Let’s just pray that they, these people, continue doing their things, for the sake of others, and their own, too.
Thanks, I guess.