I welcome you aboard to one of my earliest memories… (in case you haven’t just read the title, duh) - but in any case, it was probably back in March 1998 or maybe 1999? I am not really sure… It is truly before that 2000’s, for sure.
I am accompanying my dad, and I guess my mother too, into an english school, because my father was supposed to take an assessment to see which level he would be so then he could start his classes.
I was a kid, if you hadn’t figured that out by now, probably between 5 or 6 yo, not much more than that, and at that night (yes, it was during the night), I had brought with me a new pencil which I had just won at school! It was purple, but the most intriguing and interesting part was not the pencil itself, but the contraption that was stuck on its other end, where usually small erasers go.
It was kind of like a sort of “push-this-button-here-and-the-small-metal-ball-inside-the-plastic-structure-will-fly-out-into-the-half-oval-shaped-thingy-and-maybe-land-into-one-of-the-u-shaped-plastic-things-in-the-midst-of-it” toy. The toy’s plastic outer shell was also purple, but the front of it was translucent plastic so you could see how the small ball would behave inside of it. I kept fidgeting with it trying to make that small sphere go up and then fall unto one of the ‘u’ shaped plastic things, so in my kid’s head I would score a point.
I was in the same room as my dad, and he was sat in the midst of the room, which was all white from what I can remember, and had a small window with grills on top of it, where you could see the cool night sky, I believe, if my memory does not frail me, that there was a moon bright as a white sheet of paper during that time.
Those were also the times which I liked watching Cartoon Network kid’s show like Powerpuff Girls and the like. Just a quick context note, for you to know.
And father sat there, doing his thing, for god knows how long, and I was there, going here and there playing with that fidget plastic toy as it was the ultimate thing in the world. I was little, I was naive, and how funny it is that such a silly thing could drive so much happiness into a kid.
I was also with someone that cared for me, and the place was new, and the thing that I mostly can remember about that memory is how cozy that feels. Probably I was quite bored throught the fact of having to wait for an undisclosed amount of time, and my memory betrays me, but still, I know I’ll never find that toy again, and still if I found it nowadays, I’d probably find it silly, but for a brief period of time, that was all that mattered, and a good contribution to my entertainment.
Funny how things like such are highly contextual. If we ever find something that did, indeed give us hope and pleasure a long time ago, if we do somehow end up meeting with that or getting into contact with that once again, I highly doubt it would ever feel the same.
Mostly because we are not even the same anymore.
I am not the kid which was 5 at that time. Neither I have the same thoughts or wishes that I once did. Those are much more complex now, and I guess, somewhat harder to satisfy.
Whereas that kid, well, me, in my 5 years of existence of this world (presumably), I didn’t know shit about things. And maybe that made things a little bit easier, or at least, made me a lot more, how can I say, surpriseable? You know, when new things start driving your attention… Because for a kid, everything is new.
Especially a purple pencil with a small purple gadget-of-a-toy attached to its other end. And one such thing that, even though might never ever again be found materiallistically in this world during my life, I guess will always have a spare space in the midst of my mind, if I dare to remember those detail as well again.
Not for the thing itself, though, but more as to what those times did represent, and what did that night show me… Entertainment, not from an outside complex structure perceptive. But more akin to a homegrown fantasy-bound allure of mixing up images and ideas of what a small metal ball could signify when getting into an u shaped plastic contraption.
It meant nothing. Realistically…
But in my mind, it was something.
It was me, trying hard, and going then, again, and again, until I got it right.
It was a task of resilience, and stubbornness that I just couldn’t let go. And up to now, I guess, I also do carry some of it together with me.
The same stubborn manner of that 5 yo. In some way, is still, in here, together, with me.
Funny thing to consider.
Thanks for the thoughts and the talk, people.
I’ll see you around.
Paece.