Yeah I know there’s a typo in the title, can we just ignore that for now? Thanks.
So, as I was saying, which you probably haven’t heard yet, my days are better when I don’t watch youtube, and I’ll tell you why. You’ve probably heard that them (YT) together with Meta are getting liable for making us sick and addicted to social media in general. Besides that, I’ve just binge-watched some +40 mins of Youtube from topics ranging into Liberated SystemD, the latest axios hack through npm, Prime’s recalling of a 2014 video of preditions that JS would be dead, and another video telling how countries are ditching Visa and Mastercard.
Yup, all of those in just 40 mins. And maybe because of that now I feel nauseated, with mental confusion and a deep existential dread. This wasn’t the first time, but it bludgeons me that every single that in which I binge watch +4 or 5 yt videos in a row for almost like an hour top, I feel like I wanna die.
And this is…. strange. Heck, I don’t feel the same way if I have to read a book for one hour! (well it depends on the subject of the book, if that’s on Heidegger or some high philosophy guy, then heck, I might be dead I guess) but jokes aside, this… dread, if I could call it, almost always shows up after a session on YT, from disconnected videos where I am keen into seeking for new knowledge… And then, maybe because of it, all that I am left with is just a bunch of information that feels like a burden and I have nowhere to throw it, or find something useful out of it.
Hang in there for a second! You! Don’t you dare consider that I was saying that this plataform is useless. hell no, not that, you stupid. There is actually loads of useful information in there, technical stuff, and always some guy from India (Bharat) to save us on how to do some obscure configuration to save the day.
Those are the good stuff, the cooperation, the giving to the world some form of knowledge that might indeed be helpful to people, and save them some hours of their lives.
What gives me extreme angst is that when, sometimes, I indulge in watching it just to fill my time and then in the end I feel like killing myself because I can’t know how to deal with these strange feelings myself, like I can’t just stand still and be at peace. It feels as if something is stirring up inside of me, and not in a good way.
So then, there are those days, when I totally bypass watching youtube, and I dare to even say that it is those days which feel more… peaceful? Maybe even more insightful, where I can let my mind run wild and free to conjecture thoughts and feelings, to fill in the gaps by herself, and have ideas, birth concepts, and be with myself, without constantly shoving information under it…
And now, maybe… maybe that’s that. The mind in question, it’s like a tiny pokemon or even a tamagochi which you feed. If you leave it running in some free space, it will do its thing, and explore. If you keep shoving it non-sensical stuff and just bludgeons it with information over and over, well… I feel like the poor chihuahua getting overwhelmed by his snacks.
It’s no wonder it will feel stressfull and try to escape. Now, the hard thing is that, how does one scape from one’s own skull? Removing itself from one’s own body… Not an option (at least as of now with the current means of technology), so then maybe that’s why we feel the way like we do, sometimes…
Or maybe… maybe that’s just me.
I do abhore the notion that you too, my fellow traveller feels something akin to this. Please, let thoust be liberated from these ills, sisters and brothers.
I pray for thee.
Paece.